Woman has farting nightmare in first yoga class
The human body is a wonderful thing. But, sometimes it emits sounds at the most inopportune moments. Like, during this woman’s first yoga class.
Laura Mazza, the blogger behind Mum on the Run shared a tale that, to many of us, may sound familiar. In a post on Facebook — which has been shared over 8,000 times — she describes how a heavy bout of flatulence turned her yoga class into a hideously embarrassing moment.
Mazza’s fart was so loud, she didn’t feel like sticking around. So, she bolted, red-faced and teary eyed, and headed to McDonald’s.
Mazza’s physiotherapist had advised her to try yoga classes to help with her post-birth abdominal separation, a condition which occurs during or after pregnancy and causes the parting of abdominal muscles."Having kids separated my abdominal wall like Moses parting the Red Sea. Yeah it’s not good and my stomach kinda points out like a cone," wrote Mazza on Facebook.
Mazza went along to the class and, after being introduced on a first name basis to the whole class, she began giving her best shot at the positions her instructor was demonstrating. "We started doing these random positions, moving into the upward facing dog and I feel a nice crack in my back, thinking I can do this…I totally love yoga. I am a yoga girl," Mazza continued.
I’d like to say I’m making this story up, but alas no. This actually happened tonight. This is long so bare with me.
All was going so well. Well, until she moved into downward facing dog.
"That’s when I started to feel my guts," says Mazza. "Now for the past few weeks I have had IBS Symptoms like something crazy. My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant." Gosh.
"Somewhere between the dolphin position and the three-legged dog, two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart," admitted Mazza.
"But then we move to some position where my heads between my legs, and the smell hits me like a punch to the nose. I died inside and now I officially smell like something has also died inside," wrote Mazza.
Her thoughts flitted between leaving the yoga class and maybe even leaving the country. Mazza decides to suck it up and carry on with the class. "I gather my resolve and say you know what? Whatever. Everyone farts and I can’t help it," she said.
When the yoga instructor came around and began pushing people’s bodies lower, that’s when a problem arose for Mazza. "I hold in my butthole nice and tight to make sure no farts escape again. She comes over… pushes my back down…And buuuuuuuuuurrppppfffffffThe loudest trumpet comes out of my ass," she said.
Mortified, Mazza freezes, her face flushes red and her eyes fill with tears. She gets up, casts aside her yoga mat and decides to leg it from the class. As she looks back, she sees the entire class staring at her in shock.
"I run out the door and now I’m sitting at McDonald’s eating a sundae crying and laughing," she said.
Sometimes, you just need an ice cream sundae to help you see the funny side of things.