Trump’s anti-science agenda gives us protesting scientists
A local march propelled by fears about President Donald Trump’s plans to slash funds for the EPA and other scientific research is scheduled to coincide with Earth Day on April 22, 2017. WEB SITE
Regular readers of this column know my general response to science is: I’m not buyin’ it.
A bunch of "intelligent" people can tell me trees don’t make wind, but I can create a website called TreesMakeWind.com and form a religion based solely on the mystical truth of tree-generated breezes.
Who’s to say who’s correct? They have their science, I have my website. Sounds like, at best, a draw.
I bring all this up because the knowledge nerds in the science community are mad that we finally have a president who doesn’t read books and believes rising ocean levels mean greater opportunities to sell oceanfront property in Nebraska.
The scientists and their groupies will be taking to the streets Saturday for protests marches in Washington, D.C., Chicago and cities across the country and around the world. These "March for Science" events are similar to the Women’s March earlier this year, except all vagina hats will be anatomically correct and properly labeled.
The movement has been organized by the Earth Day Network, which I assume is a loose affiliation of out-of-work vegans. Network President Kathleen Rogers told The Washington Post: "Hell hath no fury like a scientist scorned, and that’s essentially where we are. People will be marching because their integrity and honesty has been called into question. This is a new and energized constituency — they just happen to be wearing lab coats."
I want to know who’s paying for those fancy lab coats. USE A BATHROBE, YOU ELITIST FACT MONGERS!
President Donald Trump has done an excellent job keeping scientists out of important, science-related positions in his administration. For example, rather than have someone with a science background run the Environmental Protection Agency, the president installed someone who has repeatedly sued the EPA and thinks climate change is a unicorn-level myth.
Trump hasn’t named a top White House science adviser — why would a former reality television star need any actual reality around him? And the science-averse Republicans in Congress are eager to cut back on money going to scientific research.
So, rather than sitting back and allowing America to be made great again, the scientists are taking a stand — an unpatriotic stand that ignores America’s inalienable right to deforest the Earth and drill for oil in penguin butts and ignore the university zealots who insist that 2 + 2 = 4, even though it’s not in the Bible.
Anyone who paid attention to last year’s presidential campaign, or to literally any word that has ever come out of Trump’s mouth, knows we now live in a post-fact society. Up is down, dumb is smart, clean water is overrated and the polar ice caps need to SUCK IT UP AND TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES! Nothing worse than needy sheets of ice.
Scientists could conclude tomorrow that if we don’t temporarily halt fracking, the Rocky Mountains will collapse into the Earth and fill with molten lava, and the people running the country would say, "Hold up. Let’s not jump to any conclusions. Let’s get Ivanka to weigh in on this."
Come to think of it, the best way to handle this March for Science business is to wait until the protests are over Saturday and then deny they ever happened.
A bunch of scientists on the National Mall? That’s baloney. Next thing you’re gonna tell me you saw Bigfoot at the Lincoln Memorial.
That’s how we patriotic, unbound-by-science, straight-talking, believe-what-we-want-to-believe-because-it-makes-life-more-convenient Americans can fend off the scientific uprising.
By closing our eyes and pretending it isn’t there.
Which is pretty much what the Trump administration is doing with science anyway.
Listen to Rex Huppke and WGN radio host Amy Guth discuss politics each week on the "Guth and Huppke on Politics" podcast at chicagotribune.com/guthhuppkepodcast.